Forward

I've spent MANY MANY MANY New Year's eves down and out and feeling sorry for myself. For the first time ever, I am glad we have nothing planned, nowhere to be and no event that requires a new outfit, arranging for a DD or waiting in the freezing cold for a cab. Frankly, I'm just too damn old for that nonsense. For perhaps the first time in my entire life, I'm actually happy, content, and looking forward to what the future holds.

Now don't get me wrong, a huge part of me is still terrified of the days to come. I still have a nightmare almost every night that I lose this baby. Its a horrible way to spend a pregnancy but I am trying so hard to spend my waking hours being grateful, praising God, and remembering that I deserve to be a mother.  At the same time, I can't quite let go of the fact that others who so rightly deserve it also aren't in the position that I am in. I feel like my heart breaks a little more everyday for those who have given so much and are still trying to find the strength to press on and fight a good fight.  I know if sucks the life out of you and I know the deep seeded pain that to be honest, never really goes away.

I even found myself angry over THIS:

and THIS:



Yeah, I threw up a little in my mouth. Twice.


I know I have no right, but I can't help it -I'm tired of the world being so unfair. **sigh**  I'm just plain tired ya'll. 

With that said, My New Year's Resolutions are as follows:

1) Let go of the guilt
2) Plan for a healthy child
3) for the love of God stop reading PEOPLE magazine. : )

That is all.

Merry V-Day!

We made it to 24 weeks. Woot Woot! I know there isn't much going on at this stage but its another milestone and what i consider a big one at that. To make matters better, I've only gained 9 lbs. Again, woot woot. I'm guessing the holiday pigout just hasn't settled into fat rolls yet because holy crap did I strap on the 'ole feed bag these past few days like it was my job!!!!! Whew!!!  Thank goodness my glucose test is NEXT month!

Of all the things to be grateful for this season, the greater likelyhood of viability is what i am most appreciate of this year!  Oh and this thing the baby got for Christmas from some very excited grandparents to be.......

Couldn't you just die?  : )

Kick me Goodnight

The rolls and flutters have become full blown kicks. HOW THE F DID THAT HAPPEN? How am I already 23 weeks? This time is absolutely flying by. As much as I am ready to meet this little guy  or girl, I can’t help but feel a little sad that this precious time is going by so quickly. I got so use to begging for time to pass so I could reach each milestone safely, but now it’s lightning speed and I don’t know if I am holding on to these precious moments tight enough.

Although it’s not all that precious when you get up at 3am (for the 5^th time) to pee and you get kicked so hard you almost fall to your knees. Yeah that happened. BUT I have to admit, I was a tiny bit on the happy side, because that means you are still in there little one, alive and kicking (you like that pun?) and all is right with this world that I am so afraid could slip thru my fingers at any given time.

I am also grateful that I am only this much pregnant………

during the holidays. I am exhausted and my ankles look like I’m wearing skin toned ankle weights. If I were any further along, no one would be getting gifts this year. Seriously.I don’t know how really pregnant people do it, and some with children in tow. Yeah, I’m just not that together.  I’m a tad concerned about the holidays since we are usually in 95678 billion places in two days and it’s already exhausting without a child in your stomach. I’m also horrible at saying NO – this year should be a nice intro into holidays to come since juggling a baby will more than likely put a halt to the non-stop go go go that is usually Christmas time. Maybe for once I can actually sit back and enjoy the holidays rather than loathe them because I am so stressed and sleep deprived I can’t think straight. HAHA at least that is what I keep telling myself!!!!!

Speaking of…baby got its first Christmas gift today – a precious little lamb from one of my besties. It is sooo cute and we both had tears in our eyes when I opened it. I think we were both thinking SHIT JUST GOT REAL. Hehe  Not that I want time to pass by, but I seriously cannot wait to experience Christmas thru the eyes of my child!! 

Happy Holidays and God Bless. I’m wishing and praying most of all that all my fellow IF’ers get their little miracles soon!!

Great Read

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/amy-morrison/motherhood_b_2271349.html

Friday Five

1.  It’s official; I no longer have ankle bones. **sigh** it’s going to be a looooooooooong 4 months.  ha!

2. DH is either not feeling well or starting to feel sympathy for said kankles – he asked if I wanted to go see Twilight tonight. Who are you and what have you done with my husband? Haha

 3. Compliments have quickly gone from “you  look great" and "you’re all belly” to “you’re really poochin’ out there.”  One co-worker calls me Little Mama. I was quick to inform her that if that ever changed to Big Mama, I would file a formal complaint. HAHA!!

 4. We have officially purchased nursery furniture. SHIT JUST GOT REAL.

 5.  DH wanted to know why there was only one stocking hanging from the mantel then slightly pouted when I said only the baby gets a stocking this year. NEWS FLASH BUD – YOU MEAN NOTHING TO ME NOW. Bwwaaahhhhhhhh!! Just kidding dear. But yeah, no stocking. DEAL. : )