... that make you happy when you are TTC. Well it’s one big thing really BUT until that happens, you have to revel in the little moments that make things feel like they are going well. Or at least in the right direction. I told myself I wouldn’t pee on anymore sticks this time around. Just RELAX and see how things go. But that didn’t last long. ; -) I remembered I needed to see how this new medication affected things – clomid delayed everything and also made poas worthless. I haven’t read that letrozole does this so I wanted to experiment for myself.
Loe and behold, the ovulation predictor had a blue line this morning. An actual line. Not blurry. Not half ass. A real true line. Now one line doesn’t indicate anything is happening yet and the test confirmed this BUT I was so thrilled that the test was actually working I literally smiled through my shower. We TTC’ers spend many a morning shower bawling our eyeballs out, so this was no small feat. Not to mention, I don’t feel crazy. The insomnia this weekend was mind numbing and the nausea and dizziness are no treat BUT I will take that any day over the crushing depression and constant pity party. I’m sure my husband will agree. Poor guy.
Things have been rough for him since last week when he suggested I take Midol when I was in so much pain I could barely walk upright. Needless to say, he won’t make that mistake again. ;-) I was none too happy as you can imagine and spent the rest of the day berating him for being insensitive to my pain, yada yada yada. But I had to laugh when he later told me that the only thing he knew about Midol was what he had seen on the commercials. My analogy of it being 'like suggesting someone with a severed limb take Advil' seemed to clear it all up for him. I had a forehead slapping moment though because why would a man know about Midol? I mean the women on the commercials, for those even paying attention, are running on beaches, dancing with their friends at nightclubs and at the worst trying to pry on a pair of too tight jeans, not folded up in the fetal position, whimpering like babies covered in sweat and waiting for their head to explode. NOW that would be a commercial I could relate to.
So....This past weekend, I made a conscious effort not to take my anger and frustration out on him. It was a little easier without clomid controlling my moods of course but I noticed right away the huge difference it made in how he responded to me and how we interacted as a couple. It was nice. I enjoyed being with him even if we were just at the gym or cleaning the bathrooms (his suggestion not mine!).
Today, I came across a non-pregnancy blog post (yes they do exist and help remind that there is a whole other world out there that is NOT trying to have a baby) in which the writer suggested a book by a minister who " believes love best motivates a woman and respect most powerfully motivates a man. Research reveals that during marital conflict a husband most often reacts when feeling disrespected and a wife reacts when feeling unloved." Hmmm...they might be on to something here. Lately, I can't help but notice how much better I feel when my husband and I are on the same side of things. Infertility is a b*tch but going through it alone is even worse. I don't want to do that. I want my husband by my side. I need him or else I don't think I can survive this. I think I'll read this book. Or at least scan it. Couldn't hurt to get some pointers on how better to follow this regime. I respect my husband more than any other human being on the planet but I'm not sure he knows that. I've never told him and my actions lately probably paint a completely different picture.
I've let wanting a baby take over my every thought, good and bad, and it’s had quite a profound effect on every aspect of my life. It consumes you in ways you never imagine. I guess that's why it feels so good to smile, even over silly things like a definite blue line or your husband’s point of view, distorted as it may be.
No comments:
Post a Comment