And so we begin......

So I’ve grappled for months over whether or not to write this blog at all. I mean one mere Google search and you soon find that there are only a bazillion just like it. I know. I’ve read them all. Some days, it keeps me sane. Some days, it makes me want to punch something, hard. But the difference I found between them and me was they had an outlet, and me? I had, well….nothing.

So for the sake of my sanity, my husband’s sanity, my friends’ sanity, etc.- you get the picture- I think its time I found a better way to ‘get things off my chest.’ If at least one person out there is able to relate, feel better or be inspired, then I guess my work here is done.

This journey didn’t begin that long ago. Except when you are trying to conceive - 8 months seems like a lifetime. When you are 36, have major health issues and feel like you are basically running out of time, the long drawn out process of TTC can be just plain excruciating. It’s not like I planned it this way. The future has never really been in my hands. Did I love that it took me 33 years to find love? Um, no. Am I glad I waited? Hell yes. (this is how I know good things DO come to those who wait!) Didn’t I know that someone in my condition waiting this long would make things difficult? Sure, why not. Again, hard to control LIFE here people. Do I look at 30 something year olds when they say “I’m not ready for kids” and want to shake the living freakin' daylights out of them and scream, “what you are waiting for?” YES! I do. But I can’t. I can’t advise people on any of this. I’m just starting out myself.  But what I have found out already is that no matter how much love and support surrounds you, it’s the loneliest journey on earth.

What do I want to do when I feel like no one understands and I have no one to turn to? You got it, WRITE!  Hey, might as well use that degree for something, right?!?!  So this is my outlet. My catharsis (I hate that word but for lack of a better one….).  My way of NOT unloading all these horrible feelings on my husband, friends, and family. Trust me. It’s better this way. (wink)

Thank you for reading. And good luck to you if you are on the same daunting journey – the path to motherhood.