And the 'parent of the year' award goes to.......

...THIS GIRL right here. Why? Because I sent my child to school aka daycare yesterday in shorts and short sleeves. Then noticed in the car it was 52 degrees. WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP. Good thing he's body radiates heat like a steam sauna.

- I also sent him with cereal for the first time. I KNOW. I can't believe it either. I must try to figure out how to stop blinking so I don't miss another second. I can't wait to hear how it went. Hopefully not like last night.

Sorry for the crappy cell phone pic

Eating solids must be hard work. All i know is he is now averaging about 8 hours of sleep a night. CAN I GET AN AMEN?!?!?!?!?  I mean I can't even believe we made it. In the beginning, when everyone tried to tell me it would get better, i just rolled my eyes and thought 'yeah f--k you.' BUT they were right. 

- We are currently trying to get our townhouse on the market AND house hunting. I'm not sure which is worse on a marriage, having a newborn or this. Who knew it would be soooooooooooo hard and we would disagree on so many things?!?! I knew my husband was analytical, I mean he IS an engineer but holy hell I had no idea the degree to which it extends. Can we say OVERLY ANAL. Good lord man. REEL.IT.IN. At this rate, he would find fault with Cinderalla's Castle. GAH.

- An unmarried friend approached me for advice earlier in the week - she was LATE. I had so many emotions that I cannot even believe how calmly I reacted. I smiled thru it all and tried to give sound advice but on the inside all I could think was 'batter batter swing'. Mean I know but dammit people I am not exactly the best person to ask for advice on this subject. The End. 

- I stopped therapy towards the end of my pregnancy, against my therapist's advice of course. I was glad when it was over because it was becoming a chore. She understood the time constraints but gave me this 'you'll be back' knowing glance. Dammit she was right. I'm starting to think I need it now more than ever before. My infertile self thought having a baby would make everything better. Now I know it just satisfies ONE need/want/void.  The problems stay the same. Or grow.   

- The world scared me a lot before Blake. Major catastrophes just don't even register in my brain because I can't even begin to imagine how people go on after bad things happen. I use to be a news junkie but now I don't even bother with the stuff. ALL.SO.MORBID. Now I am afraid to leave the house. Because oh dear God what if something happened to him. Or me. Or us? How would I/he go on without the other? I can't breathe just thinking about it.  And everything around us seems like a danger right now. I slipped a little getting out of the shower this morning. And omagah what if I really fell, hit my head, knocked myself out, died, leaving Blake without food, diapers, alone for God knows how long without anyone knowing. OMAGAH OMAGAH.  See. Therapy is a MUST.

- I told my husband the other day that if we have another child, i will not do a nursery - just a crib in our room. Done. We spent $500 on a crib that i am convinced Blake will NEVER sleep in. The room is basically were we store his clothes and change his diapers. I don't even nurse in there anymore.  But then I wonder if the nesting instinct kicks in as hard the second time around?!?! Will I go batshit crazy again trying to get all the DETAILS finalized before the birth KNOWING its just a huge waste of time and space?!?!

Happy Friday folks.
   

Parenthood

THIS.SHIT.IS.HARD. Holy crap has this week tried my patience like no other. First little man is teething ( i think because what else could be causing him to scream out in pain all the f'ing time and constantly gag himself because his entire giant fist is inside his tiny little mouth at all times - NOM NOM NOM.) Then, he had Roseola. What the what is that you ask (cause i did)? A COMMON virus that causes a high (make mommy and daddy have a heart attack) fever and then a horrible looking rash all over. Nasty. Oh and then DIARRHEA like you have never seen in your life. And then just when you think this is all behind you, he chose not to sleep all night long. **sigh**  Can I buy Calgon in a 5 gallon bucket?

I know these are all just normal trials and tribulations. In fact, when folks tried to warn me, i think i scoffed and thought to myself, meh... if these idiots can do it, so can I. Well folks, Im starting to question whether i CAN. For real. Maybe i was infertile for a reason. Was God trying to tell me something and I chose not to listen? I mean he doesn't give you what you can't handle right? 

Don't get me wrong. I am not trying to be unappreciative in any sense of the word. I'm grateful beyond words to have my son and can't remember what life was like before him and can't even begin to imagine it without him but dammit I am starting to really feel like a giant failure. I mean Im just REALLY BAD at this. I guess I feel this huge need to nail it like no body's business since well I was given this gift so i better not screw it up. I never thought it would be this hard.

Now add trying to put a house on the market, trying to find a new house in a real estate market that is low on inventory and what inventory there is sells before you can blink, realizing that house you want is not a house you can afford and is too far away from your job but its not near any jobs whatsoever and then realizing money is starting to be an issue in your marriage which leads to constant arguements well because neither of you have slept thru the night in months and you basically have a giant recipe for disaster and a mommy who is about to reach her breaking point. Yes folks there is a good chance Im about to snap clean in half.

Good thing I have this cuteness to bring me back from the ledge.....

Can you spot his self inflicted black eye?????