4 Books

1) Anything by Jodi Picoult – esp.  Handle with Care. Just finished reading it. Anyone who has ever experience infertility will be impacted. Trust me.

2) Anything by Diane Chamberlain. Esp. if you are a NC native. Many of her settings are local which makes it easy to relate and get immersed in the lives of the characters = good book, right? Ironically one of my favorites is about an abandoned baby. GO FIGURE!

3) THE HELP, by Kathryn Stockett. Still need to see this movie.  Hope it’s as wonderful as the book. One of the semi-main characters has something like 5 brutal miscarriages. Tore me up. Seriously.

4) The Shack by William P. Young. This is sold as a Christian novel but if you can’t relate, you aren’t human. Storyline revolves around a child abduction. IMPOSSIBLE.TO.COMPREHEND. THAT. KIND.OF.PAIN.

I could go on and on here.  I am an avid reader. Always have been.   And I’ve found lately that nothing takes my mind off ‘you know what’ like a good read.

Happy Friday. Well as happy as it can be since AF is here. ugh

5 Foods

Ok. I have nothing to write that isn’t vengeful, spiteful, angry and deceitful so what better time to head back into the ‘ole challenge - how obvious is it that AF arrived today?. These are foods you are told to avoid when pregnant. I hope I get the chance to do just that one day.

1) sushi – as hard as this will be – I’m guessing it’s the last thing I pregnant lady wants to eat or even smell for that matter?!?!

2) lunch meat – includes hotdogs. Good thing the hubs doesn’t have to carry the baby – he would not make it without hotdogs. Serious.

3) soft cheeses – I will miss my Brie. That’s for sure. The last time I had baked brie I told the waiter I was thinking of marrying it. Did I mention I had wine with dinner? J

4) seafood – thank goodness this is mostly limited to large fish such as shark, sword fish, and king mackerel because let’s face it, those aren’t typically a part of my daily diet. Shrimp on the other hand – 9 months without shrimp and I could lose my mind. Small doses is okay?  Whew!  Crisis averted.

5) raw eggs – this would not normally be an issue except they are in tiramisu, raw cookie dough, eggnog, homemade ice cream, and Caesar dressing…GASP!

Happy Anniversary!

This weekend is the anniversary of several things. One year of a miracle we are still married wedded bliss. One year, give or take, of trying to conceive.  We are headed to a beautiful 5-star resort in the mountains and it’s the first thing I have looked forward to in a long, long time. I think we both need a break – from work, from this town, from life, from everything. Of course, it’s hard not to wonder about the pending test results I was hoping would be back before our trip. Not happening. Middle of next week more than likely. UGH.

Last week was my first visit with an RE. Call me crazy but I actually wanted to hug the woman before I left. The news wasn’t great, per say - she thinks I have a defunct ovary. Still waiting on that verdict from the AMH test – but the first sentence out of her mouth was “you are young in the world of fertility.” Really? Huh? I was floored. That was certainly news to me. My ovary might not have gotten the memo of course.  An ultrasound revealed my leftie is perhaps ‘older’ than the rest of me. My righty revealed only one egg although I am on my 2^nd round of femara, 5^th round of ovulation boosters altogether. Not cool. Esp. since I have endured those horrible medications for that long, only to find out, yeah, they don’t work. And based on the pain a few days later, I’m pretty sure my defunct ovary was the one trying to drop an egg. Really body? Why are you punishing me?

What WAS cool though is I got to see the egg, up close and personal; however, when she pressed on it with the ultrasound wand – OUCH….MOTHER----. I, with my usual mask pain and misery with laugher, told her not to crack the one good egg I had. She died.  If nothing else, it lightened the mood. Let’s face it – things are tense when a perfect stranger is shoving a foot long wand up your yahoo. Am I right?

I left her office with something I haven’t had in a while – HOPE. I’m not sure my feet ever touched the parking lot. Hell, I was almost elated.   She wasn’t the least bit concerned about the ovary snafu being an end-all issue. And if nothing else, we now have a plan. First test results – hopefully they will come back in this century. Next – lap for my endometriosis. Let me tell ya, NOT looking forward to that. The recovery is a bear and the timing couldn’t be worse – it’s my busiest time at work and of course the holidays aren’t a good time to be swollen, in pain and uncomfortable. I guess at least I know what to expect this time around.  Maybe this time they won’t try to kill me with morphine (as if a lap isn’t fun enough, my first one led to the discovery of my morphine allergy – fun times!).  She gave me three different scenarios – 1) she finds nothing, 2) she finds a little something and gets rid of it, 3) it’s so bad there is no point in doing anything so she does nothing. Ok. I can live with that. Well 1 and 2 maybe. AND THEN: 3 months of BC pills and injectables. AND THEN…..IUI(s).

I was hoping to skip this step since I don’t think the success rate is all that great, but after finding out they aren’t as costly as I originally assumed they were, hell why not. We’ve tried everything else thus far. Might as well give that a shot too. I’m none too thrilled about the BC pills – I know there is a scientific reason behind doing it this way but it also feels like 10 giant steps backwards.  I just spent a year getting those out of my system. I don’t want to go back there. Even worse, that’s 3 months of not trying really. 3 months further away from our goal. After a year, 3 months should feel like nothing, but to me, it sounds like forever.

In the meantime, I’m heading to a luxury resort amongst breath taking mountain views where I plan to sip champagne wine, relax, enjoy my husband and our time together and pretend that LIFE IS GOOD.