Halfway

Today I am 20 weeks. 20 WEEKS!!   No matter how many times I say it, it still doesn't seem real. Where has the time gone? The beginning of this process seemed to take FOREVER. I felt like those were some of the longest days of my life. And now, in the blink of an eye, I have reached the halfway mark.  I told DH this morning, SHIT JUST GOT REAL.


Needless to say the worry has yet to cease. Although I suspect it probably never will. I held my breath the entire morning until we heard the heartbeat today. I'm always shocked that my blood pressure before each appointment isn't 400/200. I've only gained 7 pounds so far. Which is even more shocking considering the amount of food I consumed overThanksgiving. Safe to say my appetite has picked up. I'm pretty much like a hoover vacuum cleaner at this point.

I've started to feel the baby move and DH finally felt it Monday night. I reached for something across my body and felt it kick my elbow. I don't think I have ever been so amazed in my entire life. Of course, now there are looooong stretches of time when I feel no movement and I start to freak out even though every single thing I have read says it is perfectly normal at this stage.

Most of the initial pain and constipation has FINALLY subsided. I think the nurse was in complete disbelief this morning when I had no complaints or concerns. In fact, one nurse cheered when she noticed we were halfway. Is it a good thing to be well-known at your OB's office? hmmmmm I'm not sure?!?! Have to reflect on that one. HA!  Anyway....I saw this shirt on pin.terest the other day and thought to myself that all pregnant women deserve this as a consolation prize after the first trimester is over. : )





While I am finally starting to look at and buy baby things, I can't help but think of all my fellow IF bloggers who are still trying. My heart breaks everytime I read bad news.  It's like a punch in the gut because I know that awful feeling all too well. It lives within in me and I pray daily and thank god for the opportunity before us and I also beg him not to let it be taken away if at all possible. I have been thinking alot about the birthing process the last few weeks. I have never really let myself think to far ahead but when your baby ticker on the.bu.mp.com tells you there are only 140 days left, well you start to let your mind wander.  I don't worry about the pain or if my husband will pass out or how long labor will last or if I will have to end up having a c-section. I just wonder if this baby will know the moment it's born what a miracle it is and how truly grateful I am that I was chosen to be its Mama. I know I plan to spend the rest of my life showing it.

The Scary I Promised

Our first trimester blood work showed an increased risk of Down’s. The longest week of my life passed before we got results of a new test (MaterniT21) that is 99.1% accurate. It actually takes the baby’s DNA from my blood and tests it for chromosomal abnormalities. Thank the good Lord that came back negative for all three trisomies.  Oh but the fun does NOT end there. At our anatomy scan last week they discovered baby J (For our last name – no indication of name because well, we don’t have one yet. Ha!)  is missing the middle digit of its pinky finger. Which is apparently a soft marker for Down’s. **sigh*** At this point I am just wondering what a normal appointment/ ultrasound with no bad news would be like?!?!?!

So the scenarios are as follows:  a) we do an amnio which is 99.7% accurate but also carries a miscarriage risk, b) the digit still might develop, c) it means nothing since 1 in 3 people in the general population have this and the only result is a slightly bent pinky finger or d) we stop this madness and hope and pray for a healthy baby.

As you can imagine, we have opted for  scenario D. Otherwise, I am going to lose my ^%$*&^$# mind. SERIOUSLY. There is still a .9% chance my baby has Down’s Syndrome but I know I cannot change the outcome. If it’s true, then so be it. I just know that I refuse to spend this entire pregnancy worrying about every little thing. God has already made his plans for this child and my job is to love and raise it no matter what. And dammit that is what I am going to do.

The moral of the story is, when you are over age 35 and trying to start a family, the medical community just likes to scare the SHIT out of you.
BASTARDS.

17 weeks

Today was our Anatomy Scan - it was exciting and scary all at the same time - But what hasn't been in this process. **sigh*** I'll explain later but for now, just feast your eyes on this preciousnous above.

Thank you God for this day.