Cause just like that........
I mean I've been there thru it all but I still cannot wrap my head around the fact that the tiny little thing I spent most of my adult life dreaming about and hoping for has been in existance for 6 whole months and is anything but tiny anymore. He's pushing 20 pounds people. 20. And that's without solids. I'm thinking I eventually might need a second job to feed this thing. He'd probably weigh more if it wasn't for a nasty stomach bug that has hit us both hard. Twice. He is on day 10 and has lost half a pound. Now as far as mama bear, folks keep telling me how 'slim and trim' I look all of a sudden. It's the diarrhea diet my friends. I guess the silver lining is I am now within 7 lbs of pre pregnancy weight and didn't have to lift a thing - except the toilet seat, over and over and over.....well you get the picture.
Ahem, moving on.....Last weekend we attended an annual baby reunion at the clinic where we conceived. Part of me was really excited about it but the other part of me had this gnawing feeling about it. And my gut was right. As usual. I had a knot in the throat for practically the entire party and we pretty much just sat at a table and ate and talked amongst ourselves because for one, what the hell do you say to perfect strangers at a fertility clinic, "hey, how much was your procedure?" I figured it would be a crowded party but there were hundreds of people there. I spent a lot of time trying to calculate how much money those doctors had made this year. I know it was suppose to be a celebration, but for me it just brought up all these painful memories and as soon as I saw the building, the tears began to flow. Then I truly felt like crap when I overhead our table mates tell someone it took them three years.
At the end, they wanted a group picture of all the parents and babies and like they always say, there is always one in every crowd, one lady had to go and ruin it for everyone. Yep, you gotta know that out of hundreds of new parents, someone is going to be there with their boob out. And there was. No cover no nothing. Which I am all for BF'ing in public but I think there is a time and a place and courtesy is important and frankly no one wants to see your boob, esp. the hundreds of 2-5 year old siblings running around. To make matters worse, she posed for the picture like that, front and center. I'll be interested to see if the crop that out and if so how.
The highlight of the day was another table mate who jumped up to greet the doctor behind their IVF success with "i'm ready to have another one." He looked at her with wide surprised eyes. As did the rest of the room. I asked, when are most people ready to go again. His answer - "most people aren't really ready - they just feel like they are getting older and time is running out." Gee - thats so romantic. And Sad. It just made me sad. **sigh**
I feel very grateful that IVF exists. If not for it, my son would not exist. And I guess I should feel lucky that we were able to do it, and were successful. But I also feel angry and mad and bitter because we, nor anyone, should HAVE to do it. Its just not fair. It will never NOT hurt I guess.
However, without it, I guess I wouldn't have these to laugh at either.......
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| mom, i'm getting irritated with this photo session |
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| NOW i'm just pissed |
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| Seriously mom, STOP already |
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| look lady, up yours (notice the bird) |
