Five Friday Facts

1 – I scheduled our IVF nurse class. HUGE step for me. I guess the first step is always the hardest?! And what does my husband find out? He is scheduled to travel. What do I tell him? TOO DAMN BAD. He told them he would be a day late. Take that, corporate bullies.

2 – I am probably going to ovulate tomorrow. I haven’t mentioned this to the hubs. Part of me is banging my fist on my head saying dummy – why would you waste a perfectly good cycle. The other part of me says -eh...what’s the point. Doesn’t work anyway.  It’s kind of liberating actually because frankly BD is becoming a chore.  And if the man can’t count to 14, well then………he’s on his own (why? because I am mean like that sometimes!).

3 – I started group therapy this week. Very first thing, a guy talks about his three kids. Next up, a woman talks about her kids. **sigh** It’s going to be a loooooooooong three months. I slipped and mentioned the infertility in the first 10 minutes. NOT my plan. I didn’t want to divulge it this soon, if at all. But I guess it’s always forefront in my mind. And all these strangers with their blank stares wanting to know why it’s hard for me to get out of bed in the morning. Once they divulged some of their problems, I felt guilty and stupid and non –deserving. I guess that’s why I’m in group therapy. **sigh**

4 – We are about to spend the weekend with 3 children under the age of 6. They are precious. They love some me!! (I am a child magnet – go figure).  I want to look forward to it but I just can’t. I have packed extra beer and wine.

5 – Our families have a bajillion birthdays in the month of May, which along with Mother’s Day, makes this the single busiest month of  the entire year for us. It’s exhausting. If we proceed with IVF as scheduled and by some miracle it works, we might have a May baby. This just makes me laugh on the inside – esp. since my mom has spent a lifetime begging my sister and I not to give birth in the month of May or she will kill over. Wouldn’t that just be something. : )

What you ask?

I stole this from one of the umpteen thousand blogs I read but can't remember which one so its hard to give credit where credit is due. But to whoever posted it, it really struck a nerve with me. And the answer is, become a mom. No matter what it takes. That's what!!!!!!

Aaaaaand we’re back.

Not just from the most amazing trip ever but back TO reality (read as infertility).  Not that we ever really left it. My body didn’t get the memo that we were on vacay, so the spotting began about day 3 AND AF paid a visit on the flight home. FANTASTIC!  I wasn’t shocked. Or sad really. Well, ok sad but I didn’t throw myself off any mountain peaks as I might have done early on in this process, so we’re good.  But I was reminded that no matter how beautiful your surroundings, no matter how much fun you are having, and no matter how happy you feel – perhaps the happiest you have ever felt in your life, you cannot escape infertility. Not even for a little while.

Let’s start with the flight there. Very first person I see in the airport and every person after that. Pregnant. **sigh** Really? Is this necessary? I retaliated by having a pre-flight margarita. Did I mention our flight was at 9:40 am??? tee hee Take that pregnant lady!!!!

The good news is being possibly pregnant in Colorado would NOT have been fun. I have never done so much physical activity on a vacation in my life. Good lord how do these people relax???  Had I been pregnant or even thought it for a second, I would have been a nervous wreck the entire time since I am pretty sure NOTHING we did was safe for a woman with child. Or at least that’s what I kept telling my over active, every little thing that could go wrong, pregnancy obsessed mind.

Colorado is also not absent of baby, strollers, and preggos either. THEY.ARE.EVERY.WHERE. Again silly me for thinking I could escape it. The flight home had no less than 20 small children/babies on it. The mom next to me kept apologizing to me as her baby used her as a jungle gym the entire 4 hours. Her other two small children acted like angels. Did I mention one was her adopted daughter from Ethiopia?  OK GOD. I HEAR YOU. And lady, I would give a trillion million dollars to be in your position so PLEASE STOP APOLOGIZING.

We attended a cookout for Memorial Day. Umpteen kids there, of all shapes and sizes. Shocker.  Did it sting a little? Yes. Did I ewww and ahhhhh over  two little toe heads the first 30 minutes? Yes. Was I glad I could guzzle beer while their dad tried to feed them both food with CHILI on it, while keeping them seated, plates on laps and holding two puppies back from gobbling up their lunches. YES, YES I did and I didn’t feel guilty AT ALL. : )  Frankly, the entire party was total chaos. And I can’t say that a tiny part of me wasn’t thankful I got to go home and leave all that chaos behind.  Oh, did I mention there was a grandmother there with two little ones she is currently fighting her drugged out son for custody?! Yeah. Again. FAN FREAKING TASTIC.

And so…..

Real life started again today. Back to the grind. First item on my to do list: email the IVF nurse and tell her we are ready to move forward and don’t even blink when you hit send. Yep I'd say reality just slapped me in the face. : )

Leaving on a jet plane……

Tomorrow I will be high in the sky on my way to COLORADO. Yes, I yelled that. I.AM.SO.EXCITED.

We need a break. Far away from shots and ultrasounds and hormones and peeing on sticks. We need to be free and have fun and enjoy being just US (maybe for the last time? I secretly wonder to myself).  Today is 6 dpo. I don’t know if I’m pregnant or not. For once, I’m not sure I care. Now when/if AF rears her ugly head next weekend, I will probably beg the flight attendants for a) more vodka b) to open the hatch or c) all of the above. 

But until then, I’m going to soak in some bee-u-tee-full scenery, explore caves, check out ghost towns, white water raft for the first time (OMFG) go horseback riding and SHOP, yes holy god shop. (can I get an amen?) and hopefully enjoy a few cocktails or 20.  ; ) 

For now I will be happy and not worry about anything else but having fun and enjoying life. I think we deserve at least a week of that. For a whole week, I won't be infertile. 

(Dear God, aside from not letting the plane crash, please please please don't sit me beside a pregnant lady. thank you! Amen)